A Pilgrims Way

So in my last post I talked about all the way I don’t like communicating. I figured this one I’ll talk about the ways I like to communicate.

As I mentioned, I prefer talking with someone face to face. I don’t like a hectic and hurried environment, say after church (that’s more a small talk type of time for me). I prefer an intentional time for conversation: I’m at your house, your at my house, we’re out to dinner, etc… I feel most comfortable with just a few people. Too many people and I can’t enjoy the conversation. I start worrying about making sure everyones included, everyones having a good time, should I say something, is it my turn to talk, what should I say, when should I say it, Oh I had I thought - but that conversation moved on and I missed my opportunity to jump in. I get into one part of a conversation then someone jumps track and once a conversation jumps tracks as hard as you try you never bring it back.

With a few people you can really concentrate on what they think and what you think. You can ask a difficult question and listen to a difficult response. You can argue (or rather debate) have the back and forth. There’s no hurry, no division of time or attention.

Another thing I’ll admit is that I enjoy getting people riled up. Especially people that are really committed to what they believe. I like messing with them…I’m not the smartest guy so I don’t offer a lot of answers, but I think I can raise a lot of good questions. I think it was Socrates that said something like, the one thing I know is that I don’t know anything. So I like to argue…I like to question…but I think that’s the way I learn.

Another way I like to communicate is through stories. I enjoy listening to other people tell stories of what they’ve done, what they’ve been through. Funny stories are the best…I enjoy a good laugh. My old boss was great at this. Every time you went into his office to talk, no matter what you talked about he had a story to go with it and they were always funny. Now… I don’t want to be that guy. You know that guy that has a story for everything. I have to remind myself of that sometimes. I especially don’t want to be that guy…you know that guy…that has a story for everything, but his stories never go along with what you were talking about and after he tells the story there’s an awkward pause, few stares, and I guess you had to be there.

I like telling stories…they’re alive, active, expressive. That’s one of the things I like about teaching, you get to tell stories.

Another thing I think about the way I communicate…I like communicating big picture…general idea…general observation things. In spite of what I want to believe about myself…I’m not a very detailed or complex person.

For instance, If I go to the auto show and you ask me about it. I’m going to say there were a lot of cool cars there and that I really liked the red one (and I’ll probably point in the direction it was located as I see it in my head thinking that you can imagine it with me). I have no idea how many cylinders or how much horsepower it has. I’ll probably be lucky enough to remember who made it. And that will sum up my 4 hour excursion.

There’s really only a few topics of interests that I enjoy talking about:  Sports, Religion, Music, Technology, Video Games, TV, & Movies.  Outside of those topics I’m pretty illiterate.

When I talk to someone and they start spewing facts and details, etc…especially the ones I’m illiterate in,  I go into Charlie Brown mode.  All I hear is Wah, wah, wah-wah, wah, wah wha-wha wha- wha wha.  And the bad thing is I’ve got the whole active listening thing down to a tee.  I’ll look you in the eyes and nod my head and say oh really, yes, I didn’t know that - all day long.  And I’m even good at throwing in a question or two from the one sentence I picked up when you started your 10 minute discourse.   So you can start all over again and leave the conversation thinking what a good listener and smart person I am.

OK - If you know me strike that last part from your mind.  I really listen to everything you say and I even care about it.

I could probably go on forever about this…but I’ve got to stop somewhere.

For some reason I was thinking about communication today. Maybe particularly how I communicate, which style of communication do I prefer, do I hate. So the following is just a long rambling rant about communication.

First, let me say this. For those of you that know me it may be obvious, but for everyone else. I hate small talk. What exactly is small talk even? General conversation…hey, how’s it going, what you up to?

Here are the reasons I hate small talk. 1.) It’s completely superficial. If someone asks me, “How are you doing?” They are being polite, they are showing they recognize me, which is cool. But they don’t want to know how I’m doing. They expect and want me to say “I’m fine” so we can walk by each other and continue on our way or we can get to the real reason of why you stopped by to talk. They don’t want to hear about all my problems, they don’t want to here about how I feel like crap and that I wished I would have stayed in bed this morning. Okay #2 - Small talk is meaningless. Much like salad in my opinion. It’s the light stuff…the warm up…before the main course…the stuff that takes up time and space while you wait for something more filling and enjoyable.

So I know small talk is important…I just don’t like it and basically I suck at it and I know that. But I’m ok with that. With people I don’t know I tend to be more willing to engage in the practice, but with people I do know I would rather sit and be quite until a direct and meaningful conversation is started…then I’m interested.

Let’s talk about phone conversations…

I hate them!

My wife and I come from completely different sides of the spectrum on this one. To her a phone call is about making a connection…it’s relational….a lot of small talk. Hey how’s your day been? What you doing? Just wanted to say hi.

My response is typically…What do you want? To me a phone call is about giving direction or getting information. I call you because I have a question or because I want to tell you something.

To me a phone call should be direct and to the point. If the call has no structure…I get nervous (remember I hate the small talk thing) and I’m assuming you called because you either want to tell me something or you want something for me and the longer you wait to get to the point the more anxious I get. I assume that you already like me…after all you called me we don’t have to do the whole relational dance.

And I don’t like long phone conversations. As much as I like conversations, I enjoy talking face to face. My hand gets tired holding the stupid phone to my ear. Plus I’m probably driving in my car and don’t want to get a speeding ticket or I was probably watching a tv show, playing xbox, practicing my guitar, listening to the radio or audio book, etc…

Bottom line I guess. I view phone calls as an interuption, but it’s important because you want to tell me something or you need something from me so it’s acceptable. I also view the phone as a tool to gather the information you need not as a communication device.

About email…

Next to personal face to face communication (Not small talk) I probably enjoy conversing through email the best. It allows me time to read the message of the sender and clearly understand their position, question, etc… It also allows me the adequate time to formulate a well thought out response. Plus I can respond when my time/schedule permits. I generally keep a good eye on my inbox, but I have no problem letting a message sit there for an hour until I can get to it.

The downside is that email doesn’t to a good job of expressing emotions. Let’s face it, even the fall short of truly understanding what someone is trying to communicate. Sometimes it’s hard to communicate humor, sarcasm, and wit. We’ve probably all read an email or two and wondered if the person was serious, mad at us, etc…

I’ve got to end this post -I’ll start a 2nd.  I’ve got plenty of other thoughts.

I had the chance to lead worship yesterday at my church and so I thought I’d jot down some thoughts on what went down…as I love reading others worship confessionals and thought I would share my joy…or sorrow.

The Set List…

Opening Worship

My Glorious - Delirious
Beautiful News - Matt Redman
From the Inside Out - Hillsong United
Consuming Fire - Tim Hughes

Closing Worship

Invitacion Fountain
If You Say Go
Sending - Charlie Hall

So from the beginning… While my favorite songs are the slower worshipful songs, when I lead worship I like to start out loud and fast.  I’m a high energy person and with probably a little bit of ADD.  When I’m in the congregation and we start off with a mid-tempo or slow song it kills me.

That said, blowing the roof off with My Glorious and Beautiful News right of the get in my opinion didn’t go so great yesterday morning.  Maybe everyone was worn out from the Thanksgiving weekend, but instead of hand clapping, fist pumping, high jumping worship I felt like there were mostly half blank stares looking back at us.  (Which is not usually characteristic of our church).  I hate that feeling you get when you’re in the middle of a song and you think to yourself…this isn’t working.  I can’t blame the congregation…I wasn’t feeling anything either.

The band played great…we added a little break to the “People….We believe that” in the morning run through, but we forgot it in the service.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw the Piano player trying to remind the rest of the band, but they were locked in.  The drummer did something weird at the end of My Glorious.  We had come to the end and it kind of dies down on the last course…all of a sudden he kicks it back in full gear.  I was completely thrown for a loop and felt completely lost for a brief second (The second worst feeling for a worship leader), after a couple measures the song finally ended.

Beutiful News was fine… (Again didn’t feel anything happening…It was a wierd Sunday)

I was glad when we got to From the inside out because I just knew when we started singing that stuff’s gonna start happening.  Again…nothing - Well not nothing, maybe it was just me.  Maybe I was distracted…tired…I don’t know.  At that point I’m thinking I really missed God in this and should’ve prayed about this thing a lot longer.

Our guitar player got a little confused and on the transition from the first time you do the second verse to the second time you do the second verse instead of playing that little riff (you know Da-da da da dum, da-da da da da da da dum) he started into the solo….again I’m freaking out.  But I came in on the second verse right in time when we were supposed to, so I don’t think anyone knew.  Unless they were looking for that da-da da da dum part of course…Like I was.

Needless to say, when we got to the part where the guitar solo was supposed to be he was surprised so I think he kicked it in halfway through…again…don’t know how noticable for people in the congregation but sure makes me nervous when things don’t go as planned.

Before you think poorly of our guitar player, understand He’s awesome.  He’s probably the best guitar player I’ve ever known.  It’s just he plays with the band maybe 1 or 2 times a month and expecting him to have every song in the repertoire nailed down cold when you might have done it once a few months ago is tough.  We practiced about 1/2 hour before the service and everything went fine of course, but when the nerves kick in and the buildings full…things change.  One cool thing…in practice he couldn’t remember the solo part.  In a half joking kind a way I sang, semi air-guitar like the solo for him.  Without hesitation, he ripped it off exactly the way I sang it.  That’s sick!!!  I would have been nice to hear it in the service

So by the end of From the inside out I felt a little stirring in me and was ready for the last song.

Maybe it just took three songs for God to get a hold of me and get focused on worship, but from the beginning line “There must be more than this….” I was finally feeling something.  (Spare me the “Worship is not a feeling” thoughts and comments - I know that in a mind/biblical/theological way- But when I do worship my heart wants to feel something.)

So when the set was over, I was glad.  I did feel like God did something and that we didn’t get in his way or mess things up…So that’s always good

Closing set…

I was a lot happier with the closing set.  It’s funny how things like this always happen…but again…I had no idea what the person speaking that day was talking about, but the songs we closed with went well with her talk.  Cool…way to go God…at least I didn’t feel I completely missed Him that weekend.

I’m never satisfied with anything…I think it can always be done better so needless to say…I’m not thrilled with how yesterday went.  But I understand with worship services that’s sometimes the way it goes…

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I imagine I’m going to be busy eating, watching football, eating, and watching football again.  I’ll probably even squeeze in some time to play games with the kids and family.  So I thought today would be a great day to write a Thanksgiving post.

I’m thankful for all the usual stuff…

I have an awesome wife and great kids that all seem to be able to put up with me.  Shoot, they even act like they like me half the time, which is awesome.

I’m thankful for playing Halo 3 and guitar hero with my son Conner.  Me and my dad would play catch in the yard (Which Conner and I do too) but we spend a lot more time playing video games, which is every bit as special. The modern father and son bonding thing you know.

I’m thankful for games of Clue and Sorry with my daughter Haylie and her new found interest in Rayman Ravin Rabbits.  I love the way she gets excited whenever she beats me.  (Of course I let her win - and it’s great she still hasn’t figured that out yet).

I enjoy sitting down at the dinner table each night with all of them and listening to what happened to them that day.  I love listening to all the drama at my wife’s work…better then tv I swear.

I love watching Friday Night Lights with my wife, when we put the kids to bed early one night a week.

I’m thankful for all the friends I have.  My family and I are truly blessed to be surrounded by such awesome people that care about us.

I’m thankful for my job.  At times, it is very boring and something I really don’t enjoy doing, but a lot of people here in Michigan have lost their jobs or are struggling.  We’re not, so I won’t complain.  I work for a good company, full of good people.  This is where I’m at for now…so I’ll make the best of it.

I’m thankful that I live in the US.  In spite of all the crap going on politically and the negative image the rest of the world has about us, it’s by far the best place in the world to live.  Even the poorest among us is rich in comparison to most of the world.  God has blessed America, I hope we will learn to be a blessing to everyone else.

I’m thankful for breath, life, health, grace, mercy, second, third, fourth, fifth….infinite chances.

Thankful for all the good and bad that has happened this year and I look forward to next year.

Here’s what we did at my house tonight.  I’ve got some young heroes in training. 

It’s that time of year again. Yes…I’m talking about Christmas. Forget about Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is just a reminder that it’s time to get the Christmas stuff out again.

Check this out…we’re the first people in the county to already have our Christmas tree and everything out. My wife lives for the day she can put her Christmas tree up.

And check out Santa’s little helper.

I’m thinking about faith today.  (See my previous post for why) and the story of the disciples asking Jesus for more faith came to my mind.

Luke 17 

“Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him. Even if it’s personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, ‘I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,’ forgive him.”

   ⁵The apostles came up and said to the Master, “Give us more faith.”

   ⁶But the Master said, “You don’t need more faith. There is no ‘more’ or ‘less’ in faith. If you have a bare kernel of faith, say the size of a poppy seed, you could say to this sycamore tree, ‘Go jump in the lake,’ and it would do it.

So I’m thinking about my desire for more faith and realizing now that I don’t need more.  Either you have it or you don’t…and if you have just a little.  Well it’s more then enough to get the job done.

I’ve been scrounging around and I think I’ve found a little faith hidden away somewhere.

Well this weekend had a pretty consistent theme for me I think “Same old, same old”.

Michigan was once again was defeated by Ohio State.

My beloved Lions lost once again in a less then spectacular performance.

On a personal note:  I made myself look like a complete A*hole at our church basketball league (I hate it when I do that).  Yelling and screaming incoherently after a 6 ft +, 300lb + behemoth tried his best to break my nose.  (Which I’m considering going to see a doctor about, but even if it is broken there’s probably nothing that can be done about it because where it’s at - on the side of my nose.)  On a positive note, I didn’t swear at him (the worst thing I could think to call him was a FREAK, which I still feel terrible about) and as mad as I was I at least had the common sense to walk away from him while I was yelling at him.  I’ve never hit anybody in my life and really don’t want to.  I’m a solid 5 ft. 10 inches, 210 Lb Rock of a man - Ok I’m not a rock - but I’m not a blob of goo either.  But he would have cleaned my clock…Probably (at least after I got a couple shots in of course).  Besides being hit in the nose (Which my really smart friend tells me is connected to some part of the brain that makes you get really mad, really fast when you get hit there - My technical description here)  What incensed me the most was that the game was pretty much over.  We were up by 20+ points and there was about 6 minutes left in the game.  OK enough blabbering…I’ve forgiven him…I’m letting go.

Did I forget to mention we were playing our sister church!  We stinking know all these guys by first name and play pick up ball with them sometimes throughout the week.

Ok….I’m letting go.

So that pretty much wrecked my whole weekend…not getting hit in the nose necessarily, but me erupting like Mt. St. Helen in front of my friends and family.

Confession time here:  One thing I struggle with is that I tend to dwell on things way too long, especially my mistakes and I beat myself up about them, over and over and over again.

I get tired of the “Same old, same old”.  I get frustrated with the “Same old, same old”.  I’m supposed to be different, changed, new - so why do the same attitudes, actions, thoughts, insecurities, feelings, etc… keep coming to the surface?

Why can’t I change?  Jesus…why don’t you change me?  Because I know I can’t do it myself.  The frustrating thing is I know He wants to change me and I know he wants me to be changed.  How does this process work itself out though?  How much is God’s responsibility?  How much is mine?  I haven’t figured this one out yet.

There’s no easy answers I know.  No magic formula.  No special prayer.  The only thing that works for me is asking for forgiveness, then begging for faith to believe I’m forgiven, faith to believe that I am different, I am changed, I am new and that the “Same old, same old” man that reared it’s ugly head again is not my true self, but rather just a shell, a ghost, of the man I used to be.

I identify with the man the cried out “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief”.  Such irony…but so true.

I just added a new friend and new blogger to my blog roll. Jen @ anxiously searching. If you are one of my 2 loyal readers…check out her blog.

Jen and her husband Drew are awesome people. They are just fun to be around and full of life and energy. I’m so glad I’ve had the opportunity to get to know them.

If you go to her site…beg her to find a way to post a song Drew recorded. It’s one of the Psalms. Very awesome!!! He’s a great singer/guitar player. What makes me sick is that he plays completely by ear!!! How unfair is that?

I’ve already added her to my RSS feeds and look forward to reading her post. (I just have to figure out a way to convert her from blogspot to WordPress - But we’ll work on that later).

Good luck and happy blogging Jen

I’ve been feeling pretty good lately, say the last couple weeks.  I feel like things have settled down at home quite a bit.  Much credit has to go to my wife for that.  Between work, home and school she’s done an amazing job keeping all the plates spinning.  If she’s still stressed out…she’s doing a good job of hiding it.

I think I go from obsession to obsession sometimes…and my new obsession (or old obsession -depending how you look at it) is playing guitar.

I’ve been half-half (I guess that’s 1/4) heartedly trying to learn how to play guitar over the last year now.  I borrowed a friends electric guitar and would play it whenever I felt inspired, but nothing regular.  Well with Christmas coming up I was toying with the idea of buying my own acoustic guitar…I’m not much of a rocker…acoustic fits my style more I think and it might motivate me to learn it faster.  But I was a little inspired over the last couple weeks, had a little bit of spending money saved up and so I just went out and bought a guitar last week.  (I’ll spare the long story - But I felt like it was a God thing)

I’ve been listening to a lot of acoustic guitar led music (Specifically Shane &  Shane) and it has really got me excited and motivated to learn.

I’ve been practicing for about 30-45 minutes a night.  I hope I can stick with it.

On another note:  I’ve been feeling so worn out lately.  I’ve been coming to work at least 2-3 times a week feeling like I could close my eyes and fall asleep at the drop of a hat.  Which has made me grumpy and irritable and not to productive.  So I got kind of fed up with that and this week I’ve been trying to go to sleep around 10pm instead of 11pm.  Now this means I have1 less hour of tv or video games, in addition to the 30-45 minutes for playing guitar (Which means I haven’t watched too much tv or played video games).  But I’ve felt 100% better with the extra hour sleep so I’m going to stick with the plan a little longer.

That said - I have a indoor soccer game tonight at 10:30pm.  I’m so screwed.  I probably won’t get home to 12am, let a lone shower and settle down.  Thank God tomorrow is Friday.