A Pilgrims Way

As of 7:24 am this morning my touch i-pod is in Ann Arbor, MI. It’s getting closer. I’m halfway tempted to drop everything, run over there and get it.

Come to me….

Come to me….

I’m just hoping someone’s home when they try to deliver it.

One of my good friends recently decided to head up the junior high portion of our churches youth program. We had been talking about it a lot, what it would look like, be like, all that stuff. Somehow someway, what God laid on my friends heart started taking shape. Next thing you know my friend and our Director of student ministries is in front of the church asking for volunteers.

Now from the beginning I had pledged my support and encouragement to my friend, but I never really wanted to be directly involved. I wanted to maintain a safe distance. Safe for me that is.  Since I worked as full time Youth Pastor for over 3 years and served many years before that as a youth leader, I felt like I put my time in and didn’t really have a desire to work with youth anymore. But I was really conflicted. I wanted to help my friend out and I truly felt that what he was doing was awesome. So I told him I would help him with the worship portion of the service, since that’s something I’m good at and I enjoy doing anyway.

Not too long after that we had our first “Leadership” meeting. Everything was laid out and presented wonderfully…textbook. Better then I could have ever done. But when we started talking about leadership forms, commit forms, meetings and outings I started having a mini anxiety attack. Call it flashbacks…bad memories, fear of commitment, leadership anxiety, whatever. Leadership became this huge package deal, a five course meal and I was really looking for something a la carte.

I left the meeting as soon as I could and was just about certain this wasn’t for me. I have enough things going on in life, work, family. I do my part already at church with the worship team, childrens ministry, and extracurricular activities. I really don’t need to add something else.

The next day I was honest with my friend about my anxieties, which he was very gracious and understanding. I didn’t want to commit to “The Program”, but I was more then willing to commit to helping a friend, leading some worship and having some fun.

But I also understood the position I would be putting my friend in. And the position I would be putting the youth director in. If you’re trying to build a program, you can’t really have rogue leaders. Even if they are well intentioned, have no personal agenda or don’t directly create any problems, indirectly there could be some issues with other team members. Everyone should have the same requirements right? Everyone should have the same expectations? Same commitment? Everyone can’t be doing their own thing.

So I talked with my friend and our youth director and we worked it out. Everything is cool, I’m feeling good about it and I’m going to help my friend and the youth program.

Long story I know…but I wanted to give you a background. Because I’ve been thinking a lot about churches and leadership lately. I’ve been on both sides of the fence now and all of a sudden I think I might have gained a little understanding. (Maybe not but please humor me). I just wished I would have figured this out when I could have actually used it.

When it comes to churches and leadership I think there’s three groups of people. (Probably more, but I can only think of 3)

1. People that are always wanting to do more. They get involved in every program, every ministry…they can never do enough. Everyone’s heard of the 80/20 principle right? These people are the 20% that do 80% of the work. Pastors and church leaders love these people. These are the people that make things happen, that get things done. These are the people that can’t say no. And you know that. You know who you can turn to in a pinch.

So as leaders how many of us are guilty of abusing these people? I’ll confess, I’m sure I wore out quite a few awesome people - Because the program or event I was trying to run was that important to the overall growth and development of the church (I’m being sarcastic here in case you missed it).

2. I think the second group of people are the people that want to help, but they don’t want to feel obligated to take on a huge commitment or responsibility. It’s easy to judge these people, even despise them, you feel like they are holding you/your ministry back. They have the talents and abilities you/your church needs, but they are either too lazy, apathetic, broken, damaged or (Pick your favorite adjective) to help.

I think this is one of the hardest groups of people to work with. They have already determined how much and what they are willing to give and you’re not going to get any more out of them. But isn’t that their right? Can we be OK with that?

Maybe the greatest potential lies in harnessing the power of this group. Being able to accept what they have to offer and being willing to allow them to work and serve in their comfort zone instead of making them sign up for the program or team. (Are those commitment letters legally binding anyway? I’ve never been able to figure that one out.)

3. Then there’s the third group of people that don’t want to help, don’t want to serve, don’t want to be involved other then showing up on Sunday morning and sitting in a pew. Peer 2 Peer networks would call these people leeches (harsh I know). I’ll admit I don’t have a clue or any insight into this group. I’ve never been one to sit back and not get involved….but I’m sure there are some good reasons.

I think we at least have to recognize the value of these people. Without them attending, showing up to our services who would we serve? Maybe….hopefully…they support the church financially, making it possible to do some of the awesome things the church does. Can we accept their attendance as support? Support of what we’re doing, what we’re about. Can we recognize that in some way they identify themselves with the church and they feel they are a part of what the church is doing.

I don’t know…just my thoughts.

Tell me what you think.

I’ve been listening to this old song a lot lately by Ten Shekel Shirt called “Unashamed Love”, here’s the lyrics.

You’re calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love

The phrase that keeps sticking out in my mind is child like faith and the idea of honest, unencumbered, joy filled, worry free living.

Last night at small group I couldn’t help but watch the little children during our worship time.  Their eyes were wide open, looking around with awe and wonder at everything happening around them.  Screams of laughter seemed appropriate even at inappropriate times.  I envied them.

I like what Jesus said in (Mark 10) - “children are at the very center of life in the kingdom.  Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in.”

I’ve just been notified my Touch Ipod has left Kunshan, China, been transported to Shanghai and is now in transit.

Hopefully it will arrive at my doorstep soon.

Like 1.2 million other people yesterday, I got my sweaty little hands on a copy of Halo 3.

I must say…it’s pretty awesome.  I skipped the whole Halo 2 thing so I don’t know how it compares or what’s been improved, but it’s an enjoyable game to play.  Very hard to put down.  I played it for about an hour last night and then again this morning (I was 5 minutes late to work).  Before you think I’m overly obsessed, this morning was completely Conner’s (My son)  fault.  He didn’t get to play it too much last night so I promised I’d wake him up early so he could play some today before school.  Getting him out of bed at 6:15am was never easier.  I need to try that every day.  As we were walking out the door I couldn’t help but kill a few covenant to kick start my morning.  (Better then coffee let me tell you).

The coolest thing to me was the feature that allows you to watch the “film” of your gameplay.  After you’ve killed or been killed you can go back and watch the tape of your best moments in slow motion from any and every angle and viewpoint.  What’s really cool is that you can even watch your opponents and learn from their tactics.  (I’m sure this will be helpful for me, pretty much being a Halo noob).  At this point I don’t see how you can view your film, or the clips you create from your film anywhere but on your xbox.  Reading the how to’s at bungie.net the film actually requires the games engine to render.  (If anyone knows a work around let me know.  I’d love to be able to post some video’s of me killing Srathe, PLozen1 & Ragdoll - whenever they get the game.)

But…one really cool thing is that you can capture screenshots from your film.  Check out this one from last night.  This is a picture of my first double kill.  Notice the lifeless body lying on the ground in the background as I give some guy name s1dNeYwiN a good old fashioned beat down.

Come on boys…I’m waiting.

Just thinking about the upcoming fall tv season.  Getting pretty excited.  (FYI - Fox has already started their fall season…loved watching Prison Break again).

So I was wondering, if you could pick any tv show to be in (assuming the show is real life of course - not just entertainment), which show would you like to be on?

My first choice is Heroes.  I’ve always wanted to have super powers.  And I would completely fit in on that show, it’s made up of your second tier type super heroes.  Not like the Justice League, X-men type of first class hereos all buff and beautiful.

What would my super power be though???  I’ve always wanted to fly….but that’s already taken.  My next favorite ability would be super speed (ala - Flash).  Since I like to sing so much and I’m always told how loud I am…maybe a more fitting choice would be have this sonic boom type of voice.  Break through buildings and walls…maybe a high pitched voice that calls animals…maybe cause some serious brain damage… stops people in their tracks.

Other considerations….  The office.  I think I would be a perfect sidekick for Jim.  I’d love playing pranks on Dwight (hiding the cell phone is the drop ceiling was classic - I’ve got to try that at my office)  Actually I might be a good target.  I’d play a great serious minded, no non-sense, professional.

Lost…But what would my back story be?  It would have to be interesting.  Multi-millionaire, movie star (Wait this is not Gilligan’s Island).  Maybe I could be this guy that starts out as an Old man, but due to the Islands healing powers the aging process is reversed and I begin to grow young again.  A man of old age could have a lot of interesting back stories…Maybe I’ve been to the island before…maybe I’m hundreds even thousands of years old.

I could go on and on.  Boy I miss TV.

My sermon was posted on my church’s website in the last day or two.  I don’t know why I did it, but I just listened to the whole thing.  What torture.  “You know”.  I didn’t realize how often I say you know, you know.  If you listen or listened I apologize, you know.  If I ever get an opportunity to speak again I’ll try not to do it again, you know.  You know, the thing that makes me really mad is that whoever put the sermon up could have at least edited out my blunder at the end.  (I specifically asked Jesse not be informed and the tape be cut - Blasted MP3 recorders)  I think I was just so relieved to get to the end that I let my guard down, I was thinking about the ministry time after the next song and when Manny asked me to sing the song with the band I was completely thrown.  Oh well, you know, nobody’s perfect you know.

I’m my own worst critic so I won’t even critique myself (I’ll spare my 2 loyal readers the blood and tears).  I am what I am and it was what it was.   No regrets - Except “You know” oh and cata…cata…catyclysmic (Blasted - should of just said cata…cata…catastrophic….I mean….Really bad) Hopefully God used it or will use it for some good.

Thanks to everyone that encouraged me and said I did a good job (even if you didn’t really mean it).  Even if it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable, I do appreciate it and need to hear it.  I’m trying to work on being more receptive to compliments.

Not much been going on lately.  My mind is pretty blank today.  Usually I’m thinking about something, planning something, scheming something, dreaming something.  Possibilities.  Probabilities.

Nothing today.

Some people make things happen.

Other people wait for things to happen.

Waiting is hard sometimes…but trying to make things happen can be even harder.

I’m going to wait…relax…enjoy the nothingness.

So for now…I’m just marking time.

I’ve been a little preoccupied the last couple weeks, but I’m back after a crazy weekend. Below are some random thoughts about the weekend, the touch ipod, Fifa ‘08, and the message I gave at church over the weekend. Feel free to sift through at your leisure.

On friday, I could not shake my obsession with the new touch ipod so I decided to buy one. I went to the apple store Friday after work, but they had just sold out. (I was so bummed). But…I went home and ordered one online. I might have to wait to Oct 4th to get it, hopefully it will ship sooner. I can’t remembr wanting a single item so badly…how sick is that.

Also on Friday, I was able to download the FIFA ‘08 demo for my Xbox 360 (My other obsession). I just couldn’t wait to play it. And after so much hype and expectation….I hate it. And I stink at it. Don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of cool things about it, some new things that I like, but it’s completely different game then the ‘07 version. After dominating at the ‘07 version, playing the ‘08 version is completely frustrating to say the least. I want to throw the controller at the screen. Everything I did on the ‘07 no longer works in ‘08. I have to relearn everything and change the way I play the game. I must have played 15 halves of the demo (demo is only half a game) before scoring my first goal. I’ve yet to score a goal on the computer. I had to force my nine year old son to play me so I could have a chance. I think he even beat me one game (I had to let him score a goal to keep him playing me). Played some more with friends over the weekend. It’s getting a little better. I’m going to have to play it for hours every night until the game is officially released so when it finally comes out I’ll be good at it.

I was asked to speak at church on Sunday while our pastor was speaking at another church’s special occasion. Saturday I was a nervous wreck. I put the final touches on my power point presentation and tweaked my message for the millionth time. I kept going over it again and again in my head - grappling with every word, phrase, timing, delivery. I had a massive headache. At the end of the day…I really didn’t care how it went I just wanted it to be over with. (OK - I still really cared - but I wanted it to be over with). I had to stop my self from obsessing (I’m seeing a pattern here) and just asked God to take all my anxiety away…and awesomely enough he did. It has been over 3 years since I’ve preached a message to a congregation, I just wanted everything to be good. Or more like - Not a disaster. Thankfully most of the people in the church have no idea I was a former pastor, so their expectation would not be that high. As always, it’s my own expectations that I struggle with.

Sunday rolled around and I wasn’t feeling to bad…nothing I could do at this point anyway. One of the coolest things about preaching (It’s been awhile for me so I’ve forgotten) is that feeling you get of being completely inadequate and dependent upon God. Because when you reach that point, God does something pretty awesome, some God power kicks in and then you realize everything is going to be OK. Another awesome thing is that when it’s all done (whether it was good or bad) if you’ve done what you really felt God laid on your heart there’s this awesome sense of feeling connected to God, you feel like somehow, someway God was able to use you.

So I have no illusions of grandeur. I know I’m not the most dynamic and gifted speaker. No Rob Bell, Erwin McManus, Andy Stanley, or Jesse Wilson. But for the message and for me it was Ok, it was as good as I could have hoped for.

In case your curious, I spoke about an “OS for Life” a take off of the PC vs. Mac commercials. I talked about the predominant OS’s of my life, how they caused my system to crash and what I focused on in rebuilding a new OS that was simple, beautiful and just worked. Nothing earth breaking or ground shaking for sure. It was funny talking to people after church, for most of the people the message wasn’t this startling revelation (which I knew going into it) but it was this “Hey I had that same experience”. Which was really my goal, I was hoping to articulate maybe what people have known, felt or experienced but maybe never really put into words in their own life. So I think I did what I set out to do at least. As always you hope that God does something more and maybe he did, maybe he will.

If you’re really interested you could check out my church’s website on Wednesday or Thursday and give it a listen. The message was recorded and should be posted by then. I don’t know if I can bare to listen to it myself.

Full blown critiques, debates or discussions are welcomed.

I’m starting to get pumped up for the upcoming new television season (How sick is that???). I got my latest addition of TV Guide in the mail the other day and was thumbing through the fall lineups trying to decide which shows I want to watch this year. So here’s what I have so far….keep in mind I have a Dual Tuner DVR, so I can record two shows at a time. (Sweet I know!)

Monday Nights

8-9pm : Chuck - NBC & Prison Break - Fox

9-10pm : Heroes - NBC

10-11pm : Journey Man - NBC

Tuesday Nights

9-10pm : The Unit - CBS

10-11pm : Cane - CBS

Wednesday Nights

8-9pm : Kid Nation - CBS & Pushing Daisies - ABC

9-10pm : Bionic Woman - NBC & Private Practice - ABC

10-11pm: Dirty Sexy Money - ABC & Life - NBC

Thursday Nights

8-9pm : Smallville - The CW & Survivor - CBS

9-10pm : Grey’s Anatomy - ABC & The Office - NBC

10-11pm : Big Shots - ABC

Friday Nights

8-9pm : The next great American Band - Fox

9-10pm : Friday Night Lights - NBC & Moonlight - CBS

Sunday Nights

10-11pm - Brothers and Sisters - ABC

(Noticeably missing from the list - Lost of course, which is going to start up mid-season sometime)

That’s about 16 hours (DVR time that is) of television a week. I’m usually good for 2.5-3.0 hours per night, but I’m going to be busy on Wednesday and Thursdays so that leaves me only about 7.5-9 hours watching time Mon-Friday. I’m going to have to catch up on the weekends or make some cuts. Where in the world am I going to find time to fit in the Xbox-360, kids, wife & new puppy.

I may have to quit my job.